By now you might have read some of my blog posts and noticed that most of them include this phrase “give yourself grace.” I repeat this phrase in hopes that repetition will allow it to sink in, but this got me thinking, what is grace?

What is Grace?

Grace is most often associated with God and religion. Just Disciple describes “Grace [as] a favor from God that is not earned.” 

Looking up this definition helped me connect the dots on grace a bit more. I am not a religious person and have existed mostly as an atheist in my life, so thinking about grace in this way did not place too much importance for me. This probably is not the case for most of you, but for me God and grace are not interconnected. 

I recall my religious friends and family talking about grace in the past and it seemed like they spoke of this word with calm and relief. Knowing this definition reminds me of the belief that God is all forgiving.

Allow me to pivot here, God and religion is not my expertise and I will be discussing grace from an atheist point of view.

*I rarely share the fact that I am atheist and mostly prefer to not label my religion.

What Does it Mean To Give Yourself Grace?

Shondaland’s article “Giving yourself grace,” describes “grace as a vehicle to be kind and gentle to ourselves as we move about through life.” This article is an interesting read and goes into more thorough research about grace including an interview with behavioral scientist from Stanford, B.J. Fogg. Give it a read. 

So what does it mean to give yourself grace? Be “kind and gentle” with yourself, this is the main point. Find ways to be kind to yourself and allow space for you to be an imperfect person.

Why is Giving Yourself Grace So Hard?

Now that we know a few different meanings of grace, why is it so hard to give yourself grace? The meaning itself is simple, but I struggle with being kind to myself. 

Perfectionism and An Overachiever

I place a large value on perfection, I mean, who doesn’t want to be perfect?! I say this sarcastically, because I realize that most people do not want this.  

As an overachiever, it’s natural for me to strive for perfection in everything that I do, but I have found that perfectionism does not translate well into parenthood. Overachieving as a mom is difficult to measure. How do you measure this achievement? Even though I have tried, children cannot be turned into graphs and numbers that can easily be analyzed. So, anytime that I fall short of perfection I struggle with myself.

I am learning to give myself grace in these moments of imperfection, but I struggle to see the light. It is very difficult for myself to aim for anything below perfection. Why would I want to settle into doing just enough?

How To Get Past Yourself and Come To Grace?

Early on in parenthood I found that most steps are lived in imperfection. There is no perfect diaper change, no perfect sleep schedule, no perfect way to feed your baby, no perfect way to parent, the list goes on. Knowing that this is the case in parenthood has allowed me to reshape my expectations.

Reshaping Your Expectations

Reminding myself that my expectations of perfection need to be reset to imperfection has helped me expand my self-kindness. My expectations themselves are very ingrained in my being, but following simple reminders of reshaping my expectations allows for room to make mistakes. 

It is OK to not get it right the first time, or even the fourth time. It is ok that all you achieved today was feed and hold Baby. Using these sentences and others like this allow for my expectations to shift. It opens room for kindness and grace in what I consider the mediocre. 

Give Yourself Permission to Give Yourself Grace

You may ask, why do I need permission to give myself grace? If you are like me, you struggle with imperfection and therefore need to give yourself the permission to be imperfect.  

A large part of giving myself permission to give myself grace has to do with the fact that my biggest critic is myself. I have high expectations of myself and thus far in my life I have not had to struggle with failing. So, when I became a MOM and it didn’t come naturally, I alone would knock down my struggles with my ugly self-talk. By giving myself permission to live in this world, my permission has allowed me to open that door. 

This is far from easy to do. I often find that I need to give myself permission throughout the day. The moment of permission comes up with any imperfections in my day. This habit has now leaked into all aspects of my life, into me, myself and MOM.

Why is Giving Yourself Grace a Big Deal?

Giving yourself grace is a big deal because it teaches you to be kind to yourself. It battles the ugly self-talk and boosts your self-confidence.  

Going Forward with Grace

I continue to work on shifting my expectations and going forward with grace. Please know that parenting will get harder as Baby gets older and your family grows. I learn something new everyday from my daughter. She is teaching me about my imperfections.

My biggest hope is that if I give myself grace, that my daughter will see the behavior and model it herself, breaking a generational trend. It is so important for her to learn this practice and allow herself to make mistakes and nurture her self-esteem.  

Looking to share your story, contact us! I would love to hear from you.